Live and Learn With a Side of Eggs
by Innocence Has a Gun
Summary: It's a battle he knows he won't win.


It's a bad day when Luca convinces Spada to go to school for once. It's a worse day when Home Ec happens (_he_ signed up because of the chicks, _Luca_ signed up because Spada made him) and they're late, breathing heavy outside the door two minutes after the final bell's rung and Luca's muttering how they'll be in trouble, how bad this'll look on his _permanent record_ and finally Spada tells him to shut up and deal with it because they're already late, there's no use whining about it, and it's Luca's fault besides because he made Spada go to school and Spada was the one who made them late. Luca shuts up, goes back to trying to catch his breath, and when he finally does (after Spada, of course, the more fit of them) Spada knocks on the door, waits, and grins cheekily at the teacher when she lets them in.

"Mister Belforma, Mister Milda, how nice of you to join us."

Luca quietly makes his way to his seat and Spada takes the one beside him, slinging himself in and his backpack in the aisle next to his desk. Luca sets his under his desk, folds his hands on his desk, and feels a twinge of fear when he finally realizes that every desk is pushed together aside from his and Spada's, and everyone has an egg in a basket. His immediate response is to check the board, then check around for someone else who's available, to no avail; the couples are already picked, everyone has a partner, and the teacher smiles as she looks at the last egg and presents it to him, turning away and writing something on the board.

His heart drops when it reads _Couple 16: Spada Belforma and Luca Milda_ and she announces them loud and proud to the class. Spada gives the egg a look akin to the one a hungry wolf gives a deer, and Luca looks at it pathetically and raises his hand.

"Um, Miss Elmore, aren't we supposed to have opposite gender pairs for this assignment?"

"You two were late, so you two get to work together. Besides, gender doesn't matter in love. Wouldn't you say?"

Luca opens his mouth once, twice, then watches the egg in the cute pink basket with a dejected look on his face. It's a battle he knows he won't win. The only thing he can do now is protect the eg- their _baby_, he forces himself to think, their _baby,_ protect their baby from Spada who'd probably like nothing more than to fry it up. They have to give it a name - Luca likes the name Adelaide, Spada prefers Mannaia, they end up going with the less embarrassing but still musically sounding Alessa - and they have to take care of it for the next week.

Together.

Luca thinks he may simply faint.

It's easy for other pairs to figure out wife-husband dynamics (the girl's the wife, the guy's the husband) but for them- it's different. Luca doesn't want to be the wife and Spada certainly thinks he should be, for all his _womanly ways_. Spada doesn't want to be the wife and honestly, Luca cannot see him being one, and majority and less confrontation overrules what Luca wants and he's stuck being the wife. He carries the egg everywhere, though he takes pleasure in the fact that if Spada's going to be at home, he's going to take care of Alessa, since school is more important than babies (to give her a better life, he reasons out later on) and Spada is a stay-at-home dad, anyways. Anytime outside of school, the basket's in his hands and he's keeping a careful eye on it. (At least, that's the idea.)

It's okay for the first three days. Spada leaves the egg on the table and kisses Luca on the cheek before he leaves for school - Luca blushes and frowns and whines his name ("_Spada!_") and Spada laughs and teases him and says it's all part of the act, beautiful wife ("_So chill out, Luca, don't make such a big deal over nothin'._") - and he doesn't touch it until it starts crying (god damn timer in the basket, cries every four hours until he picks it up and rocks it back to sleep, which for him is swinging it on his finger until it shuts the hell up) and until Luca comes by, smiling and eager to chat about his day and give Spada his homework and help him with it (that is, doing it for him) and he gives the little thing a kiss, a show of good fathership, and Luca sighs and, before he leaves to go home, gives him a quick, nervous kiss on the cheek and scurries out the door with the basket in his hands and Alessa tucked safely in it, tiny pink blanket drawn tightly up to just over her pretty green mouth. That's how it is.

On the fourth day, Spada doesn't pay attention to what egg he's cracking over the pan and realizes too late it's Alessa, with her smiling, green-haired (they'd taken to coloring a face on it and Luca let Spada pick colors, so it's all green and Spada teased that she had the prettiest eyes that came from Momma Luca and Luca spluttered and tried to talk and couldn't, that day) self cracked in half and her innards sizzling sensationally on the buttered pan. Spada eyes another carton of eggs, takes one about the same size, and goes about trying to find a green marker. Luck isn't on his side, and he hides the remains of Alessa (R.I.P.) and tries not to be the least bit unsettled by the fact he's eating his fake egg-daughter for breakfast. Or about how Luca's going to react.

Luca reacts, as expected, badly; when he can't find Alessa, he immediately turns his eye on Spada and frowns, crossing his arms over his chest like the wife he is and curling his fingers into his sleeve.

"Spada, where's Alessa?"

Spada watches the ceiling, purses his lips, and tries to think of something to tell him that isn't '_I ate her for breakfast by accident_.' The second he gets an idea he snaps his fingers and grins, leaning forward in his chair.

"I was playin' hide and seek with her! We gotta find her before dinner, Luca!"

"Spada, really, where is she, Mother'll be sour at me if I'm late for-"

"I _know_, that's why we gotta find her!"

Luca gives him a long, quietly suffering look before sighing, resigned, and Spada grins. They split up; Luca takes the upstairs (the many, many upstairs) and Spada takes to the streets, sneaking out once he's sure Luca's gone up and going out to buy a green marker. He's just finishing the face on the new egg when Luca comes down stairs, a frown creasing his brow, and Spada grins and holds up the egg triumphantly, green marker tossed under the table and the new Alessa's smiling face peering out from between his fingers like a shy girl on the first day of school, hiding behind her father's legs. Luca's face breaks out into a relieved smile - there's probably nothing prettier, and that thought crosses his mind before he digests it - and he cradles the little egg, carefully putting it into the basket and tucking the blanket up to its nonexistent chin. Spada almost feels a little guilty for breaking Alessa #1, but Alessa #2 looks a hell of a lot better, and the guilt passes quicker than a broken kidney stone.

The fifth day is a Friday, and there's no school (student holiday!), and Luca's, for once, hanging out with Spada, unburdened by schoolwork and expectations. They're chilling on the couch together, watching television, Alessa #2 on the glass table on front of them; Luca's curled up against the cushions quietly, hands folded between his thighs, and Spada's sprawled out on it, one hand playing with the back of Luca's hair idly. It's some stupid show on tv and they're not even watching it, not really; Luca's watching just to the right of the set, out the window, a small frown marring his face and Spada's watching Luca out of the corner of his eye. He shifts quietly, gently, not enough to alarm the white-haired boy, and then assaults him, fingers dancing an erratic dance down his sides. Luca bursts into laughter, squirming, and returns the favor as soon as he escapes, breathless and pink and launching himself back on the couch, pinning Spada down by sitting on his hips and letting his fingers roam and move as they please. Spada laughs, too, boisterous and uncontrollable, howling, almost, and he puts a stop to it to gather his breath, and they sit there a while, staring, until Luca realizes he's on top of Spada _like that_ and until Spada realizes that the position isn't altogether uncomfortable and he's about to say something, throw out a joke or a tease, when Luca scrambles off of him, excuses himself to the bathroom, and bolts. When he returns, a hell of a lot calmer, they're back to their positions, only now they're on opposite ends of the couch, still not watching television.

Saturday, they sit and argue because Luca finds the green marker, finds the remains of Alessa #1 behind the sugar jar, and immediately puts two and two together. He marches up to Sapda, fresh out of the shower, and berates him for eating their daughter. His response is to tell Luca to chill out, they had Alessa #2, and Luca's eyes brim with furious, hot tears. That isn't the point, he insists, the first one was the one they were given, it wasn't the same, and Spada asks why he's flippin' his shit about this, eggs look _exactly the same_, why the hell did it _matter_ which one it was when _Luca_ couldn't even tell the goddamn difference between them, and their teacher certainly wouldn't be able to? Luca doesn't have a response to that (he _doesn't know why it matters_) and he leaves to cool down on the couch. Spada rolls his eyes and gets dressed, rubbing his hair dry as he steps down stairs, and sees Luca playing with the edge of a couch pillow. Luca glances up when he pauses in the doorway, eyes just a little red from crying, and he ducks his head back down when Spada starts to open his mouth. Spada grits his teeth, runs a hand through his still-wet hair, and takes a seat beside him. It's quiet, a little awkward; last night's event is still fresh in their minds, and it makes Luca's fingers work the edge of the pillow faster, especially as Spada leans over and rests his wet head on his shoulder and murmurs an apology into his back, even though there's nothing to apologize for and they both know it. Luca sighs and turns around, buries his face into Spada's neck and murmurs one back (that one's deserved, actually) and traces circles with his index finger on his collarbones. They stay like that, cuddled on the couch, until a little after midnight; Luca gives him an apologetic smile, then, and takes Alessa #2 home with him, and Spada sits on the couch and feels like there was one long chance he just missed.

Sunday's a lot calmer; they go out with their friends, Alessa #2 in tow, and Spada gives edged looks to anyone who has something to say about it. No one comments, except Hermana, and that starts the rest of them, teasing, with Iria being the worst. Luca shrinks in his seat, bears with it, while Spada tells them to knock it off, they'd wake the baby. In a way, he's the worst of them, and Luca can't bring himself to joke with the rest of them (Iria laughs at the name and says she's never letting them name any of her kids; Ange smiles and says it fits, then teases about their now (fake) married status; Hermana coos at the egg and says it looks just like Luca, what a good momma, and why hadn't they invited them to the wedding, anyways? Weren't they friends?; Ricardo is blissfully silent, though his smirk gives what he doesn't say away). Spada laughs and takes it in stride after a while, and Luca groans and lays his had on the table, elicting looks from the rest of the group and more chatting. It's probably the worst day of his life, he's sure of it. It couldn't get worse. Tempting fate is something dangerous (he should _know_ that) and it gets worse when Spada gets him to look up for all of two seconds so he can kiss him. Luca reddens immediately, jerking away and burying his head into the joint of his arm. The group-minus-Ricardo-but-plus-Spada laughs, and Spada sneaks an arm around Luca's waist and tugs him close.

"Yep, he's my little wife. Ain't he just darlin'?"

"Completely! Just the cutest little thing. How'd he ever hook up with a guy like you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Iria and him argue playfully for a bit, and Spada's grip on his waist prevents Luca from leaving, so he sits and listens and watches Alessa #2, adjusting the blanket every so often and rocking when the timer starts up, just a little back and forth motion with his finger, careful not to tip the basket too much or too little. It stops after a while, and Luca scoops it up in his hands and excuses himself quietly, citing a test tomorrow as a reason to go home. He doesn't have to study for it (there isn't a test tomorrow; there rarely are tests on Monday) and he reminds Spada he has to go to school tomorrow because they have to turn in their egg project, and Spada watches him leave for all of two minutes before getting up and leaving as well, jogging to catch up with him and wrap an arm around his shoulders. There's nothing wrong; Luca assures him of that before he even asks, and Spada replies that he's a shitty liar and Luca keeps his mouth closed, thinking, then stops at his house, thanks him for the unnecessary escort with a long, soft kiss, and hurries inside. Spada rubs his lips lightly, a smile twitching at the edges of them, and heads home.

On Monday, they find out they failed due to Spada's skipping class to stay home with the "baby". Luca stares at the grade, dejected, and Spada tosses his into the trash as soon as the teacher's back is turned.

It doesn't matter anyways.


End file.
